It's been a while hey?
You alright?
Been up to much?
Me neither.
It has been 8 months since my last blog.
I'm here because I was drinking red wine at home, then I was winning online real money crazy poker at home, then to counteract the red wine I was drinking Bali kopi at home, then I was losing real money online poker at home, then I wasn't playing poker at all but I was wide awake.
W I D E A W A K E.
We had a bit of a cat-astrophe at home last night. In fact it got to the point where I was tempted to change my name to curiosity, but the fear got the better of me.
Hubby was out, I was at the gym, and Giant puppy was home by himself.
I got home and as I pulled into the driveway I noticed through the window that giant puppy was on the couch and jumping and howling and clearly quite worked up about something.
I turned the ignition off and then I saw it. A big fat stripy cat sitting on my door mat. I watched it scratch at the flywire door - as if it lived there!
Now I have to tell you right now that I'm not fond of cats, they freak me out. I'm allergic to them, I don't trust them, I think they are too clever to be treated as pets and always have an agenda. Dogs will love people, no matter what. Dogs don't use people, dogs forgive. Cats don't.
So I tentatively open the car door and fatso looks at me and saunters over. I get out of the car and it's at my feet, it puts it's front paws up on my leg and mows as cats do.
I freeze, as anyone would do in such a terrifying situation. I weigh up my options - I could run to the door and let myself in, buts cats are fast and it could easily follow. I could make loud noises and aggressive actions and scare catso off but this cat is big, what if it sees my aggression as a challenge? Seriously this cat could take me on and I'd lose.
I choose a combination of the two. I stomp my feet loudly and say 'skat! skat' loudly (it's what they say in movies) at first it doesn’t work, fat cat looks at me like I'm some sort of amusement, designed especially for him. Then it gets distracted briefly and I bolt for the door, key in hand and it follows but a second too late and I'm in, the flywire is closed and we're safe.
I could go into detail about the next hour but it's really too traumatizing.
Pretty much, giant puppy and I alternated between falsely confident woofing to scare kitty off and whimpering quietly because the devil has green eyes and a tail and was going to take us to the dark place.
I'm not even exaggerating. This cat sat outside for two hours on my doormat scratching at the screen to be let in. It jumped up on the outside windowsill and watched me try to watch Grand Designs. It scratched at the window, it meowed, it scratched at the door, and it meowed. I even opened the door so giant puppy could scare it off through the flywire with a loud 'rowowowowowogrrrrrrrrrrrrrrwoooofwoooof rowowowowowo' - the stupid cat didn’t even flinch.
The most worrying thing is that even though eventually hubby came home and scared dirty nasty cat away - Giant puppy woke up twice during the night, howling everybody else awake. I'm not sure if he heard real cat noises or just had nightmares about the scary cat but it was definitely a cat howl.
Woke up this morning, properly wake up time - not the 2am and 4.30am scared of cats howling wake up time. Got ready for work. Went to have breakfast, looked out the window and the cat is sitting next to our car, in our driveway staring at me.
If it comes again I'm going to let giant puppy eat it. Either that or I'll let the fucker in.
