Thank Christ it's all over!!

MERRY XMAS AND HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!!!

I’m exhausted, every muscle in my body hurts and one of my eyes is really itchy.

I blame the festive season for all of this and am very pleased that it only happens once a year. I can’t handle all of this partying - but at least I have no serious injuries.

I like most aspects of Christmas. I like the family stuff - mine is pretty cool and we usually keep it fairly relaxed and low key (oysters, Harvey Wallbangers, French champagne, cold meat and salad and lots and lots of very good wine) I love the food at Christmas time because even if it’s a fairly casual everyone always brings their best so it’s always all good. I love the presents too – this year I got everything I requested, an iPod dock, a big F’off chopping board, shopping gift vouchers, books, new makeup, pretty garden stuff and sexy undies (well I didn’t ask for those but hubby can’t help but get me a bowling ball each Christmas)

Now don’t get me wrong – it’s not that I don’t like partying – I love partying (although I’m sure you know that) I just don’t appear to have a sensible, and that regularly results in lots of pain and occasionally proper injuries. I’m sure all of you now are thinking back to your own memories of me going too far – there are many: the trampoline, spring in the valley, any time we go to the Carlisle, the chin, the nudey booth, rolling down the hill at Lake Ave and many many many more.

I bet you are all waiting for me to launch into my New Years Eve story, wondering what limb I managed to break or if maybe I finally knocked out my two front teeth when falling flat on my face or that I somehow accidently stabbed myself with my stiletto while pole dancing in the street.

Not True. No Injuries, no pole dancing, no horrible awkward vague memories of saying something ridiculously inappropriate. I remember the whole night. I was practically a lady (not really). I was loud, I was dancing, I was talking to strangers and we stumbled back to the hotel room at about 5am – but there is no lasting evidence of my night and I had lots of fun.

I thought about making a New Years resolution but at first couldn’t think of one I could keep. I thought about ‘not to get too drunk’ but that’s very subjective, what is ‘too drunk’ anyway? And how do I make sure I get drunk enough without getting ‘too drunk?’ There’s a certain point - and when I get there I don’t even know I’m drunk, I just know I’m brilliant and awesome and the smartest and best looking person in the world who can do and say anything I want without consequence. I didn’t even bother thinking about ‘not get drunk again’ may as well tell me not to breathe or eat (no I’m not an alcoholic *she writes as she takes another gulp of her vodka passionfruit*) I then thought about basing my resolution around some sort of fitness goal, like lose another 5kg or enter a triathlon this year or be able to run 7km without stopping before the end of the year. Bah – screw that. I then thought about the obvious – ‘spend the whole year without getting any serious drinking injuries’ – I like the idea of this one, I think I may attempt it. I like this one for two reasons:

1. It actually involves no sacrifice on my behalf and will only help me
2. It’s not really something I can control (unless of course we go back to the ‘don’t get too drunk’ thing and you know where I stand on that) So I won’t feel like I failed if/when it happens.

To clarify – bruises and scratches are ok, sprains, cuts, gashes, concussions, breaks, fractures, anything requiring stitches, anything requiring a hospital visit are NOT OK.

This also only covers injuries attained when drunk and that are directly my fault – eg being hit by a car after two glasses of wine does not count.

So that’s my New Years Resolution.

BTW – there’s a bar down Wolf Lane in the city, off king street near the Belgian called Wolf Lane (surprisingly enough) It is great and wonderful. Go there.